Please don’t be offended; it’s not my fault

Seriously.  I’ve never before mooned anyone, but I’m getting closer and closer as the days roll on.  If I hike my pants up to my armpits when I first stand up, then there is a possibility that they will be above my crotch line by the time I sit back down again.  But that chance is only slim.

Most maternity pants are designed to sit either at the top of our protuberance or right in the middle at about our belly button.  Gravity, being the rat bastard that it is, forces our pants downward, regardless of how tight we button our elasticized waist band.  And when the pants come to a temporary stop at our former hips, the circumference of said waist band is somewhere around 10 to 15 centimeters, at the very least, larger than our hip measurement. 

Now, if we’re walking further than 14 feet (which is how long it takes for the waist to migrate south; I’ve timed it, so it’s a fact), we’ll need to re-hike the pants mid-stroll.  So what happens when our hands are full?  Like, for example, we’re crossing at a cross walk holding a toddlers hand with our right and carried some bags in our left.  What then?

I’ll tell you what then.  Accidental, drive-by mooning, that’s what.

For the record, this has not happened to me yet, but it’s only a matter of time.  I can hardly think of anything else any time I stand up.


2 thoughts on “Please don’t be offended; it’s not my fault

  1. You NEED a Bella Band. It’s seriously the best purchase I’ve ever made in my life. Nothing will completely stop silly maternity pants from falling down at the end, but the Bella Band helps HUGELY. Plus, it’s great for after as well when the maternity pants are getting a bit big but your pre-pregnancy pants are too small… oh and also once you can pull your pre-pregnancy pants up, but can’t do them up, you just wear the Bella Band with them undone and it holds them up! It’s awesome!!!

  2. LOL!!! Too funny! When do we get to see a preggo pic of you! Although I didn’t like being pregnant at all, I do sometimes miss the cute belly. I say cute but mine was huge but that’s okay! I never did any belly photo shoots or anything for either of my pregnancies. Are you? Have you? How about a belly mould?

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