I apologize profusely in advance

DISCLAIMER– I in no way hope to offend anyone by the story I’m about to tell.  I am simply relaying a quip that I found to be cute in the most innocent, if not completely un-p.c., way.  WE TEACH OUR CHILDREN BETTER THAN THIS.  What got lost in translation (English to toddler-ese) was her own doing and she was corrected immediately afterwards.  Well, maybe after I stopped stifling my giggles. 

A few weeks ago we were grocery shopping, the whole family together.  I was pushing the Eirinn/food cart and Anonymous Husband was pushing the Avery cart a few metres ahead of us.  I was singing Eirinn her favourite songs, quite loudly (I have no shame), to keep Tantrum at bay.  As we turned the corner into the dairy aisle, I began “Ding Dong the Witch is Dead,” one of her favourites from one of her favourite movies.  Right in front of us, stocking the yogurt, was an employee.  This employee happens to be a, um, person of smaller stature?  A little person?  A dwarf?  CERTAINLY NOT A MUNCHKIN. 

However, I’m sure cruel childhood bullies have called him that in the past, relating him to the exact Munchkins who sang “Ding Dong the Witch is Dead.”  They may have even sang that very song to him.  I don’t know.  I wasn’t there.  And if I was, I definitely wouldn’t have done any of that.  I probably would have called the bullies Anuses and junk-punched them.

Anyway, I don’t think he heard us (although he would have had to be deaf not to of), but I was still mortified.

Skip ahead to yesterday.  Same setup.  Grocery shopping, me with Eirinn, AH ahead of us with Avery, dairy section.  This time no singing.  I learned my lesson.

Then Eirinn spotted the same employee.  I died before anthing happened because I saw the look on her face.  I stared at her with extreme intensity as we passed him, willing her with my Jedi powers not to say anything that would required me to apologize on her behalf.

“What’s his name?”

Oh, thank God.  Harmless.

“I don’t know what his name is.”  Off we wheel, sticky situation avoided.

Hyper from free bakery cookie and hopped up on innocent toddler curiosity, she asked a follow up question much louder than the initial one; loud enough for him to hear, I’m sure.

“Is he a goblin?”  

And I died.  I didn’t even know she knew the word.  She obviously just learned it to kill me from public embarrassment.

I hope the poor guy has a good sense of humour.  Or is, in fact, deaf.

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One thought on “I apologize profusely in advance

  1. Children are children, they mean no harm. Even if he had heard it he too has a heart. Wonder what she would say the next time she sees him again. Or have you taught her to say hello to her. I am sure he would like that.

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