Sweet, elusive sleep

After 3 1/2 years of sleeping in shifts of two hour segments, being woken by hungry babies or toddlers needing soother reinsertions or BIG FAT INSOMNIATIC JERKS, I now (FINALLY! Gah!) have two kids who sleep through the night.  Avery sleeps from 7 to about 7:30; Eirinn sleeps from 7:30 to about 6:30.  Great, right?  I struggled and fought and conceited defeat on more than one occasion, only to buck up and fight again and I finally won.  Using a combination of every single technique lauded as The Proper Way To Raise A Child, balled up into a new package I’d like to patent and brand as Common Effing Sense, both girls now go to bed awake, put themselves to sleep (after snuggles and a story or two and lots of love and kisses) and stay that way clean through until morning.

But…you know what’s a swift kick in the nuts with a steel-toed stiletto?  Now that the girls have this whole sleeping business down, I can’t stay asleep for longer than an hour or two at night.  I can’t remember the last time I got what I would call a good night’s sleep.  Not by any stretch of the imagination. 

It takes me at least an hour to fall asleep and when I finally do, I’m awake within two hours.  And then I struggle to fall asleep again, only to wake up an hour later.  And so on and so forth, second star to the right and straight on til morning.  (see what happens on no sleep?  I quote Disney movies.)

I try earplugs, but that doesn’t help.  I try different sleep positions, but none are better than the other.  I try going to bed later, so that I’m more tired.  I try going to bed earlier so I can fit more segments of sleep into the night.  Nothing helps.  I’m destined to exhausted.  I think after all those years of being forced not to sleep well, my body has been trained to think that it doesn’t actually need a full night’s sleep.  WELL, I’M HERE TO TELL YOU, SELF, THAT YOU DO.

Tonight I’m drugging myself and I don’t even care who knows it.

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