Dorian Gray envy

If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?

What about if a person has a horribly awful birthday, bringing her ever closer to wrinkles and gray hair and arthritis and incontinence and complaining about her back (my Baaack!) and bifocals and insufficient retirement funds and high-waisted polyester pantsuits in hospital-room mint green and clicking dentures and DEATH, and no one celebrates, does she get to stay 29 forever?

That sounds good.  I’ll have that.

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