Probably a good idea to never eat while reading my blog…

…just as a rule in general.

For lunch today I had purchased Palak Paneer, a spinach and cottage cheese vegetarian curry, which, admittedly, I had never heard of before and had no clue what it was.  My experience with Indian food was little more than the mild chicken curry AH makes every couple of weeks (mmm…chicken curry), Naan bread (mmm…Naan bread), and butter chicken (mmm…butter chicken).  In other words, limited, to say the least.  But what I had tried, I loved.  And I’m always up for trying new things, as long as the description sounds good.

Soft cubes of cottage cheese are simmered in a fresh spinach puree, creating a richly sumptuous dish.”

Pour pouch into microwaveable dish, heat for 4 – 5 minutes, and serve.

$3.85

Even if I didn’t like it, at least I wasn’t wasting a lot of time or money, right?  What’s the worst that could happen?  Four minutes and four dollars wasn’t a lot to sacrifice if the end result was something as delicious as cottage cheese simmered in a fresh spinach puree, right?

WRONG.

WRONG.  WRONG.  WRONG.  WRONG.  WRONG.

Good lord, with all that I am and all that I’ll be WRONG.

Those four minutes were leading up to the worst split second of my life.  A split second that I will never get back and never be able to erase from memory as long as I live.  I will be forever traumatized, thanks to those four minutes and four dollars.

 

*** YOU ARE HEREBY WARNED THAT THE FOLLOWING IS UNSAFE FOR WORK IF ONLY BECAUSE IT WILL CAUSE IMMEDIATE AND INVOLUTARY VIOLENT REFLEX OF THE GAG VARIETY. ***

 

 

You will probably puke, is all I’m saying.

 

 

bowl of baby poop

 

I would apologize for the picture quality, on behalf of my photographically-challenged sister who had to take it while I was ralphing in the sink, but it’s really for your own good that it’s fuzzy.  BECAUSE IT WAS MUCH WORSE IN PERSON.

My hand to God, I’ve seen more appealing sights in Avery’s diaper.  It honestly looked like the day after a baby’s first experience with strained peas.  A metric tonne of strained peas, Tabasco sauce, an entire package of Exlax, a cup of black coffee, and a Taco Bell burrito, shaken, not stirred.

I paid $3.85 for that.  Apparently, I’ll buy anything.  Even a bowl full of baby poop.

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4 thoughts on “Probably a good idea to never eat while reading my blog…

  1. What did you expect with ‘spinach puree’ LOL

    Next time try Paneer Makhani – which is cottage cheese in the same ‘butter chicken’ gravy/sauce. Paneer=cottage cheese, Makhani=butter/cream/tomato gravy

    • I think I was thinking more of a chopped spinach sauce type deal. Yeah. Now I know that “spinach puree” is code for vomit-inducing baby poo food.

      Mmm…that sounds good, what you just said.

      • If you do try ‘paneer makhani’, I would suggest either heating on the stove or if using the microwave, heat in short bursts…i.e. heat, stir, heat, stir – if you let it run for the full 4 minutes without a break, you are guaranteed another splatter (=gag?) 🙂

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