Dude. It’s called sarcasm. It’s supposed to be funny. And before you go asking for a refund because you didn’t find said sarcasm funny, I didn’t receive any money. Tell you what. You give me money for reading, I’ll refund it when I fail to make you laugh.
Do you see any ads anywhere on the page? Anywhere? No? Hmm. That might be because there aren’t any. And why’s that? Because I don’t get paid. That means I can write what I want, when I want, in whatever tone I want, and if you read it and like it, then hurray! I’ve entertained you and that’s what I’m all about. If you read it and don’t like it, then I apologize for wasting your time. If you don’t read it, then whatever. I write because I think I’m funny and if I publish it then I can revisit my hilarity over and over again and make myself laugh whenever I want.
“Jen, whoa. Where’d the stink face come from?”
Well, you see, after yesterday’s post about aych one en one* I received my first death threat. Ok, so maybe not a death threat, but a death wish. FINE. Not a death wish either, but some crazy em-effer left a comment** about being glad we didn’t get the vackseen* because the floo* is, and I quote…ahem… “a fantasic way to get rid of all you bottom feeder blogger scum out there.” End quote.
On a normal day, I get maybe, maybe 100 page views. Yesterday WordPress.com graciously and flatteringly chose my post to place on their homepage. I then, at final tally this morning, received around 2,100 page views. Still pittance compared to most, but way more than I’m used to. At first I was all “I’m awesome!” Then I was all “This is a lot of work being so awesome, keeping up with the comments and obsessively stat tracking.” Then I was like “Holy crap, screw being awesome, sucking sucks way less than not sucking.”
Then I found the death threat*** in my in-box this morning and I was completely overwhelmed. Since I started poluting the Interwebs with my words over two years ago, I’ve always been envious of those who get paid, even a small amount, for doing what I was doing. Sure, they’re funnier, or cooler, or more relevant, but hey! I’m typing words and pressing PUBLISH just the same as they are! And I’ve known that the only difference between them and me**** is the number of readers they have.
What I didn’t realize is that with every group of wicked cool readers, there’s bound to be one or two complete tools. Same as in real life. That one friend of a friend who hangs around but no one knows why and he just won’t take a hint when somehow all of his invitations get lost in the mail and when he talks about how awesome ninjas are***** everyone rolls their eyes and turns their back. It’s like that only he’s a reader of a blog you’ve left a comment on and he somehow found his way over to your blog and opens his hypothical mouth and out comes bullshit******.
I guess I need to grow thicker skin. I can’t have it both ways. I can continue to write what I want, happy with my small audience, and enjoy the one or two comments I get. Or I can strive for a larger group of readers and deal with the occasional nut job.
I know, from reading the other ‘popular kids’ blogs, that no one really does it for the money. Well, that’s a relief, because I’ve not being doing it for the money this whole time! Glad I’ve been doing it right.
I think I’ll keep doing what I’ve been doing. If more people read than before, then welcome to The Alley. My stories are true, covered in sarcasm icing, sprinkled with exaggeration, topped with a glaze of snark.
* To avoid the millions of people searching the web for that which will not be named, I have chosen to spell all related words phonetically. Aych one en one, vackseen, and floo included.
** The comment in question was deleted as soon as I saw it. Being the author of this blog gives me the exclusive right to delete any comments submitted by lunatic corn holes. Consider yourself warned.
*** Yeah, yeah. Not a death threat. Whatever. I’m calling it a death threat. Being the author of this blog also gives me the right to call a spade a club-in-spade’s-clothing.
**** Oh, and I might be lacking the talent and drive and useable subject matter and charm and charisma of my bloggy colleagues, but who’s counting.
***** For the record, ninjas are awesome. Some people are just more enthusiatic about their love of ninja awesome-ality. And “ninja” can be replaced with “Dog the Bounty Hunter” or “football” or “Dane Cook” or “Twilight”. It’s like Mad Libs, really.
****** Sorry about the potty mouth, Mom, but I’m pretty sure it was called for right there.