I totally meant to ask this months ago, but the photos got lost in amongst the millions of photos of the chitlins. And then, last night, when I was stumbling around the computer in a bored, desperate stooper, I remembered I had them at the exact same moment as I found them and opened them and thought “WTF is that? Oh, yeah, it’s…wait…WTF is that?”
So, please tell me, Internets, W. T. F is this?
We saw it from the boat on my parent’s lake. Well, my parents don’t own the lake, they just live there on weekends in the summer. I’m pretty sure if anyone owned it it would be Ed Robertson from The Barenaked Ladies because he has a cottage there and he’s sort of famous, right? Regardless, whoever owns this lake should know that aliens are leaving their brains in the water to breed with unsuspecting dead trees. It might not have been an alien brain, but I’m pretty sure it was. Whatever it is was stuck to a fallen tree. Or hanging on to a fallen tree. Or sucking the life blood out of a fallen tree. I don’t know what it was doing to that poor fallen tree, but I can tell you I was glad it was him and not me.
And you know? It got creepier and grosser and more…alien brain-like the closer we got.
It was probably some sort of egg sac from a giant freshwater squid or the Loch Baptiste Monster or whatever, but it should try looking less like scary alien brains and more like cute monster baby eggs if it doesn’t want me to smash it with an oar to rid the world of its horrendousness. Just a piece of advice, stupid alien brain monster baby egg sac. Smarten up and stop scaring the tourists.