I may have just given myself Type 2 Diabetes by accipurpose.

How much chocolate is too much for one day?  I know, I know, that’s a stupid question because there’s no such thing, right?  I mean, it’s chocolate for Pete’s sake.  The whole reason it was invented is so that we could consume massive amounts of it, throw it up, rejoice in our newly empty stomach and promptly fill it with more chocolate.  Am I right?  What’s the point of having teeth if we can’t chew chocolate?  What’s the point in having a tongue if we can’t taste it?  What’s the point in having a stomach if we can’t stretch it three pants sizes in order to fit more chocolate in there?  There is no point, is what I’m saying.

So I’ve had two chocolate bars today.  One for morning snack.  One for afternoon snack.  An Almond Snickers and a 3 Musketeers, if anyone’s keeping score.  Which is fine because that’s only, like, 490 calories and 19 grams of fat and that is exactly 100 fewer calories and 15 fewer grams of fat than a Big Mac, which is actually kind of disappointing because I was hankering for one of those, too.

But the problem I see with all this chocolate math and nutrition science is that I know that there is more chocolate at home.  There’s an almost finished box of individually wrapped Turtles and because I like to finish everything that I start, I’m pretty sure it will become completely finished before the end of the day.  And by “almost finished”, I mean that there’s about 15 left and they have 82 calories and 5 grams of fat EACH, so I’m in for a rough night.  If rough equals totally awesome and chocolate-covered, which in this case it does.

In case you’re wondering, yes, I have consumed a small amount of caffeine this afternoon, but that’s only because I had to drink something to wash down the 3 Musketeers.  And the fact that I can’t finish a sentence in my head before another one starts and this new found talent of my fingers being able to finish what my brain can’t doesn’t at all indicate that I should lay off the sugar.  Pfft.  Please.  I eat sugar for breakfast.

Wait.  That was supposed to sound tough and scary like “I eat fear for breakfast.” or “I eat ninjas for breakfast.”  but instead it sort of just spoke the truth, which was not my intention at all.

In conclusion (God says “you’re welcome”), chocolate is my friend today and I’m pretty sure I’ll crash shortly and be asleep at my desk in 3…2…1….SLAM…zzzzzz


4 thoughts on “I may have just given myself Type 2 Diabetes by accipurpose.

  1. Sorry, I see nothing wrong in your logic. Personally I believe chocolate must be consumed at every available opportunity…

    • I’ve managed to restrain myself this evening. The Turtles are safe. The key was to stay busy and by busy I mean lazy. If it didn’t taste so good I wouldn’t want to eat it all the time.

    • I take it the answer is no? There is no such thing as too much of a good thing? Good. Although the shaking and the gut rot and the Grizzly bear mood would suggest otherwise. But imma stick with no.

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