Letters To My Spam: Pt. 1

Dear “I am Julia, 27 y.o. Russia (dating)”, “How about a Russian bride?”, and “The most beautiful Russian women available here!“:

I’m not sure how we got started off on the wrong foot, but I believe what we have is a gross misunderstanding regarding our potential relationship.  The truth of the matter is there is no potential relationship, simply due to the fact that a) I am a straight woman, b) I have no money and I don’t want to jump to conclusions here, but I’d hazzard a guess that you are looking for some, and c) I’m sorta married, so even if I was a rich lesbian, I’m spoken for.  Sorry if I was unclear and have disappointed you.  I thought I should let you know now before anyone’s heart gets broken.

Oh, my! What big eyes you have!

I’m also not really sure how you got my email address in the first place.  It’s my work address and I shouldn’t really be using it for soliciting foreign lifemates.  But I’m sure that was an accident; I forgive you.

Anyway, it’s been nice getting to know you but, as you can see, we’re both looking for different things.  You – a green card and a sugar daddy.  Me – maybe a cup of tea and a nap.  Easy mistake.  No harm, no foul.

Your new friend,

Jen

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8 thoughts on “Letters To My Spam: Pt. 1

  1. If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. Fatty.

    I saw that, but I didn’t see when. So I’d have to start the Infinity Days Until NPH is on Glee Countdown and I wouldn’t know what number to start with.

  2. I didnt mean strange in a necessarily bad way…
    But I say we start at 12, and when we get to 0 we start writing angry letters everyday until they put Glee back on the air.

  3. If you ever need some extra spam I could send some your way…drugs (I can apparently get them), bank accounts needing verification (I apparently have them, for I banks I don’t even deal with, and Quebecois french banks too — how do they know I understand french, it’s not on my resume…hmmm), ways to make my male appendices larger (which I don’t have, but maybe that got lost in translation)…

    I love this post…and I’m looking forward to the next installment!

  4. And because I wasn’t quite clear enough, WordPress thought it would be helpful:

    Possibly related posts: (automatically generated)

    * Are you sure your commited to finding a Russian bride
    * Do you really have commitment to find a Russian bride
    * Russian dating tips

  5. Pingback: Letters To My Spam: Pt. 2 «

  6. Pingback: Letters To My Spam: Pt. 3 «

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