Things In Life I’m Disproportionately and Insanely Jealous Of

  1. The ability to not end sentences in prepositions.  I know it’s wrong and there are probably a few of you who cringe ever time you see the end of the sentence coming up, but I can’t help it.  And, being super duper lazy, I’m not fixing it.  Like, ever.
  2. Noses that turn red when they are cold.  Mine stays the same colour no matter how cold it gets.  I wish it would turn red or even pink just so everyone can see how cold I am without having to tell them.  They just never believe me because of my regular-coloured nose.
  3. Naturally pink cheeks.  A) it would save me a lot of money on blush.  B)  When I die my hair pitch black, I’d look less like a vampire and more like…not a vampire.  Which is important distinction to make.
  4. Bloggy awards given by other bloggers (I’m not fishing, I’m sharing my feelings). 
  5. Small hands.  I look like I have two giant lollipops stuck up my sleeves.  Stick thin forearms with giant man-hands on the end.  I blame having enormous hands with my inability to dance. 
  6. Straight hair.  The current texture of my hair is approximately “ick.”
  7. Curly hair.  Seriously, I’d take anything other that what’s currently residing on the top of my head.
  8. Accents including, but not limited to: New English (New Englandese?  New Englandian?), any of the southern states, Irish but not like a leprechaun,  Austrailian.
  9. Excellent singing voices, or at least satisfactory singing voices.  My kids would probably put this one on their list, too.  For me, not them.  Because I swear, they both tell me to “Stop!” at least twice a day.
  10. 20/20 vision.  I’m cursed with poor vision.  I’ll be in glasses until the day my company covers laser correction.  Which, so we’re clear, will never happen.
  11. Good hearing.  I seriously have no idea what you’re saying.  If you see my smiling and nodding, please don’t assume I know what you’ve said, because I probably don’t.
  12. In-person funniness.  Really, spellcheck?  That’s a word?  Anyway, in person, I’m not all that funny.  I don’t really do sarcasm very well and people tend to think I’m rude or cold or crazy.  Which is fine by me.  I’ll just type the same thing here and then I can pretend to hear you all laughing.  While I cry a little on the inside.
  13. The ability to run without peeing a little bit.  See also: jumping, sneezing and laughing.  I’m pretty sure I don’t need to justify this one.

EDITED TO ADD:

14.  Neat handwriting. My handwriting is never the same twice.  My signature rocks, but my regular handwriting?  Weird.

15.  Being an expert in something.  I know a little bit about a lot of things, but I don’t know everything about one single thing.    I tried to think of an “except for” right there, but I’ve got nothing.

16.  Throwing a frisbeeI’ve never been able to do it right.  I end up looking like a ‘tard, so I tend to just avoid the whole scene altogether.

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10 thoughts on “Things In Life I’m Disproportionately and Insanely Jealous Of

  1. I’m so with you on the hearing thing – except you’re polite and nodding and smiling, and I just go “WHAT?” like an 80-year old that needs a funnel for their ear. Or whatever hilarious accoutrement they used to use before proper hearing aids.

    And you are funny in person… sometimes. {see – if you like sarcasm, you’ll like that one}

    PS – I use a bad English accent in stores just to pretend sometimes. It’s fun – try it.

    • I used to do that accent thing all the time!!! WHEN I WAS A CHILD. But, yes, it was fun.

      Actually a couple weeks ago I read an entire book to Eirinn with a Southern accent, loudly, in front of my in laws. I was fishing for compliments, but I didn’t get any.

  2. I’m jealous of you for #2! I look horrible when I’m cold. Red nose and always tons of snot! I share #13 with you. Those darn kids did that to us! I disagree with #12. You have made me laugh in person! I totally agree with #14 for me too. I write like a 6 year old. It’s horrible.

    Neat post!

  3. 6 and 7. My hair is far more cursed than yours. Only the bald would wish for the mess that resides ontop of my head (and only after many drinks.)
    13. I don’t run because I can’t and never could. I crossed the possibility of owning one of those big, ugly, bouncing contraptions off our kids wish list last summer after a couple wildly fun bounces had me crossing my legs, sitting down, and kegaling for dear life.
    8 and 9. Keep practicing. Especially when the girls are older. And their friends are present. Payback for the pee.

    • Ha! You’re hilarious! “Kegaling for dear life.” Classic. Plus, now I’m totally going to start singing to them in an accent to combine 8 and 9, and also to condense practice time by 50%.

  4. I’m the exact opposite for #14. My handwriting is very neat, but so is my signature. Anyone could copy it. Really it’s just me writing my name with my middle initial (so later on I know I was “signing something” and not just writing my name down).

    I have stick straight hair and no idea what to do with it.

    Be careful what you wish for with #5, small hands kinda look freaky too. I would know. I can wear my 6 year old goddaughters gloves (oh, and I can wear a toddler bike helmet if it has no padding in it too, so maybe it’s more than just small hands that are freaky).

    • Oh, and thanks for reminding me. I also have Small Head Envy, given my rather ENORMOUS one. Giant scull, plus giant hair. I’m pretty much a lolly pop holding two smaller lolly pops.

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