One for me and one for you – Contests!

Firstly, see that ridiculously cute little girl over there on the sidebar with the sparkly pink Santa hat?  Click that picture and vote for her.  Don’t be a jerk.


Remember way back in the olden days of Wednesday when I was talking about those chocolate bars that are super bad for you and super gall-bladder-attack-inducing which, naturally, equals super delicious and GIMME MORE?



Yeah.  Those.  Well, I have more!  I have 6 more, to be exact, which means I have 2 prizes of 3 chocolate bars, or maybe 3 prizes of 2 chocolate bars.  I haven’t decided.  It will all depend on how many people enter to win.

And you should definitely enter.  These are amaaaaaazing.

Oh, yes, my friends.  I’m not just going to give these away for free.  Well, technically they will be free in that they will cost you no money.  But you will have to pay in comment-currency.  Basically I’m buying your friendship.  I’m not ashamed to admit it.  You wanty chocolate?  You likey me.

Except I don’t want to take a blood oath of friendship, because I’m not cutting myself to make it official.  And I don’t want one half of a Best Friends heart shaped pendant (but if you had one that needed splitting, I want BeFri, not StEnds).

Just leave a comment and I’ll Random Number Generator the winner on Monday.  It’s that easy.  Comment = chocolate + my eternal friendship.  Or just chocolate, if you’re some big jerk.

And the beauty of this contest is that I bought the chocolate bars with my own cash money, so I can make up the rules myself.  And they are as follows:

a) Comments are to be of the “make-me-laugh” variety.  I don’t care the subject, just be funny – a snarky remark, a knock-knock joke, your favourite hilarious movie quote, whatever.  But don’t feel too much pressure; remember this is a random draw, I’m not judging your funny.  Oh, and don’t be a jerk.

b) Canadians AND Americans are welcome to join in.  Everyone else is out of luck.  These are chocolate bars, people.  I’m not paying more in shipping than they’re worth.  Sorry.

c) Only enter if you think you might like the prize.  If you don’t like almonds or caramel or chocolate or *gasp* sweet treats, please let someone win who does.  I can not stress enough how amaaaaaazing these are.

d) If you happen to win and you do have a gall bladder attack or a cholesterol-induced stroke or exploding diarrhea, I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE.  I have warned you, several times, that these chocolate bars are not made from whole wheat and carrots and flax seed.  They are made from sugar and saturated fats and deliciousness. 

e) And, again, because this is my contest, I say that family and friends can enter.  I’ll be using that Random Number Generator thing anyway, so it’s not cheating.

Summary of Rules:

If you want chocolate and aren’t on some sort of medically supervised diet, comment.  Funny Canucks and ‘Muricans only.  Don’t complain to me afterwards if you’re some sort of jerk.

Winners announced on Monday.  Good luck!


12 thoughts on “One for me and one for you – Contests!

  1. I really want those damn chocolate bars, I’ve searched my neighbourhood for some snotty nose kid selling the damn things to no avail – cookies, yep, other chocolate things that don’t look very nice and of course the paper girl, but no Aunt Sarah’s. So let’s get you laughin’ ~ Your momma’s so . . .(sorry, I’m sure your momma is off limits even though that wasn’t in the rules), um, this one time at band camp (oops, the rest of that isn’t PG). Damn I’ve got nothing but I’ll make you a deal, you give me the chocolate bars and I’ll trade you something really nice!! See I’ve already voted for your very cute smiling kid so you can win a hat so I’ve done my part, now do yours, give me the chocolate bars and no one gets hurt. If threats don’t work then I’ll give you two very cute, cuddly, lovable children age 11 months, they’ll make you laugh I promise!

  2. So, three men walk into a bar. The fourth one ducks.

    That’s it, folks. I’ll be here all week.

    Seriously, I’m verai funny in person or in long form, but I don’t do the short and quippy. I wish I did the short and quippy. I’d give my eyeteeth for the short and quippy. Even though I’ve yet to figure out what eyeteeth are.

    Oh, also, I stole from you. Sorta

  3. So you think you can bribe me with chocolate bars into being funny eh? (you can) You think you can manipulate me into voting for your very cute smiling kid eh? (you can) You think you can tempt me with a description of how scrumtious they are eh? (you can) You think you can compliment me by allowing myself as a fellow Canadian to enter eh? (you can) You think you can buy my friendship eh? (you can) Well I don’t even want your yummy, delicious chocolate bars. (I do) I don’t even know how to be funny. (I’m trying) So yes, I’m being a jerk. (in a sarcastic way) and yes you WILL be responsible for my cholesterol induced stroke (no you won’t). So if you think you can read between the lines (or the brackets) then you go ahead and give me your stupid (glorious) chocolate bars. If you can’t then don’t (but really do) give them to me. I don’t care (yes I do) one way or another. I don’t give into peer pressure. (yes I do…er sometimes…depends on what it is) I don’t even like this blog anyway (yes I do). See, you can’t tell me not to be a jerk (I love you).

  4. Would you please put some pants on? I feel weird having to ask you twice

    What? You pooped in the refrigerator? And you ate the whole… wheel of cheese? How’d you do that? Heck, I’m not even mad; that’s amazing.

    How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read if they can’t even fit inside the building?

    You know how I know that you’re gay?
    You like the movie “Maid in Manhattan”.
    You know how I know you’re gay?
    I saw you make a spinach dip in a loaf of sourdough bread once.

    When life gives you lemons, just say ‘Eff the lemons,’ and bail

    Mom! The meat loaf!

    Oh, the weather outside is weather…

    – I could go all day…or you could give me a chocolate bar and I’ll stop

  5. Gah, I’m entering a contest to win free chocolate…really? Because sadly, I’m obsessed with chocolately-goodness. And to be honest, work totally sucks arse right now so I’ve turned to stress-eating and stress-shopping (which oddly makes me feel a little better). Here’s my entry:

    Girls night out
    Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn’t want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

    The next day the first woman’s husband phones the other husband and said, “These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties.” “That’s nothing,” said the other. “Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, ‘From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!’

  6. I have nothing funny to say, but I love and need chocolate. I would marry chocolate if bigamy were legal. The fact that it has almonds just makes it more perfect. I would put it up as an offering to the Gods if that would improve my chances.

  7. Pingback: An evening of sort-of firsts «

  8. I too have nothing funny to say…I am just here so that you do not think that I am ignoring you (lmao)…

    I do not want the chocolate though… well I do WANT it I just really do not need it!!!

  9. Pingback: An Unwanted Invitation « The Pinto Beans

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