I’m going to call him Rico Snotteh.

My new bestie, Chelle (*cough* suck up *cough*) is holding the World’s Most Wicked Awesome Contest, EVER.  I can’t even express to you how much I want this prize.  I’d literally give her my dog, if that’s what was required to enter, but (unfortunately)(just joking, Boss) it’s not.  What she wants to see is my most ugly stuff.  No problemo.  She wants ugly stuff?  One scan of my dumping ground basement and I’ve got not one, but several items of interest.

But before I get to that, I must digress to discuss Chelle.  Because even though she says she’s doing a random draw from a beer stein for the prize, I don’t think a little butt kissing will hurt.  I just started reading Coffee & Zombie Movies recently and I’m hooked.  Boom.  Immediately I subscribed.  She’s funny and pretty and an excellent baker when she remembers eggs and SUPER talented.  She can draw like nobody’s business.  And the contest’s prize?  Yeah.  She made it all herself.  From scratch. 

AND I WANT IT.  And that’s why I’m not showing you what it is because I don’t want any competition.  Stay away.  Read her blog, but don’t touch my prize.

Anywhoodle, on to my entry.  My ugliest possessions:


A piggy bank that lives out in public view.  She’s a woman, wearing a tie, and she doesn’t belong to me. 

The ugliest, friendliest Halloween decoration (he must be drunk). 

An art assignment that required I recreate a famous work.  Of course, I’d choose Edvard Munch’s The Madonna.  Because a painting of a naked woman with an alien fetus and a frame made out of sperm is totally appropriate.


Lot of severed heads, people.  Lot of severed heads.

Also, this clown:

That’s not unfortunate lighting that’s preventing you from seeing the clown’s eyes.  This clown is so shifty, it grew it’s purple hair long enough so that you can’t see where it’s looking.  And it’s looking into your soul and stealing your good dreams.

Well, that’s it.  That’s all my ugly stuff.  I’m generally a purger.  I don’t throw up my dinner, but I do garbage anything I don’t want.  And I usually don’t want ugly stuff, but I’m glad I kept this ugly stuff.


15 thoughts on “I’m going to call him Rico Snotteh.

  1. Holy Christ, Jen, that’s a lot of stuff. You get 4 entries because I’m the boss of the contest and this was above and beyond.

    ALSO- my mother had the wall-heads. I remember them all. She loved them. Give them to me so that I can sneak and hang them from the ceiling above her bed while she’s on holidays.

    • I’m going to spoil the suspense for everyone and declare, preemptively, that I probably won’t win this contest. I WANT to win, but I don’t win things when the playing field is even, so those 4 entries are a big help. Thanks!

  2. I remember that clown, it’s not as scary/ugly as the elves mom puts in the dining room for christmas…but then again, clowns outscary elves any day. I remember the hair being really soft though. I agree with Jessi, the 9-5 pig is awesome.

  3. The question I have is why have you kept such priceless items and not tried to make your millions selling them? Oh and you are quite the artist as well!

  4. I have to say that your blog is hilarious…it keeps me reading….the CLOWN was creepy and the caption you wrote under it was SO funny I cried laughing! Keep writing Jen! Great blog!

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