Make the owies go away

Unless I’m incubating a fetus, I tend to avoid the doctor.  For no reason other than I don’t really have a reason to go.  Sure, I get sick, but never sick sick and I just suck it up and deal with it.  I don’t need my doctor to tell me to take Tylenol for a fever, drink lots of fluids and sleep it off.  I can do that myself.

But I went to the walk-in clinic yesterday after work.  My doctor works there occasionally and he was there last night and I needed to see him.  I told myself that as long as I felt well enough, I’d go to the clinic (which sounds back asswards).  I felt fine, so I went to the doctor.

I’ve been having severe stomach cramps.  Well, stomach-ish area cramps.  Upper left abdomen.  Severe upper left abdomen cramps.  Like, remember that part during labour where you’ve had enough of natural childbirth and GIVE ME THE DAMN DRUGS YOU NAZIS!?  Yeah.  That severe.  I had my first back in August or September and maybe a dozen or so since.  I’ve had to leave work a couple of times.  I’ve nearly blacked out from pain while driving.  And I have an extraordinarily high pain tolerance, so for me to finally see a doctor?  I’ve had enough.

My doctor is pretty awesome.  He’s our family doctor and birthed the girls.  He took us on and didn’t have to when my old doctor up and moved with no notice.  So I went to see him tonight to see if he could make the owies go away.

He listed a bunch of scary possibilities while muttering under his breath, typing away on his laptop.  He asked a million questions, examined my person.  He gave me requisitions for blood work, ultrasounds, x-rays.  He gave me a prescription for an ailment he’s pretty sure it’s not.  He was honest and told me that he didn’t know what was causing the pain, but that we would figure it out.

I’m sitting here now, holding my breath which helps lessen the crippling pain, Google Diagnosing myself.  Rule #1 of Life: Do Not Google Diagnose Yourself.  No matter how simple the problem, you are dying.  Headache?  Cancer.  Shoulder pain?  Cancer.  Runny nose?  Cancer.  Upper Left Abdomen pain?  Definitely cancer.  Inoperable pancreatic/kidney/lung/stomach cancer which leads to imminent death and pain!

Thanks a lot, Google. Jerk.

And I’m not making light of this (well, I was for a second there, but I’m not anymore), because I know AAAALLL about kharma and she’s a nasty little lady, so I wouldn’t dare make jokes without taking them back.  

I’m trying not to make too much out of this.  I’m crossing my fingers that it’s just gas.  Maybe when I go for my follow up visit, he’ll just lean on my upper left abdomen with his elbow and I’ll fart, really loud.  Super embarrassing, but at least it would be gone.  But it’s not gas.

My tummy hurts, people.  It hurts a lot.  It hurts after I eat, but not every time I eat, and not for any food in particular.  I could eat something for dinner, be fine, eat the exact same thing for lunch the next day and be blinded with pain for hours.  I could eat deep fried, butter-covered bacon with a chaser of full-fat whipping cream and be fine, or I could eat a lettuce and air salad, hold the dressing, and be folded in half with pain.  It doesn’t happen often, maybe once every couple of weeks, but that’s enough.

I am not joking when I say:



Dear Everybody,

Thank you so much for your concern.  No one laughed at my misfortune, so that’s always nice.

My first instinct was also gall bladder, and it may still be, but the gall bladder is on the right side and my pain is very specifically on the left.  But pain can migrate, so we’ll see.

I have bloodwork scheduled for Tuesday and an ultrasound and x-ray appointment in a couple of weeks.

I’ll keep you updated.



13 thoughts on “Make the owies go away

  1. Oh ick. I’m sorry you hurt. Fingers crossed they fix it right away. Just to be prudent, did you ask the doc if your body was possibly incubating a new alien life form? You want to be sure he considers ALL the possibilities.

  2. My sister-in-law had something that sounds quite similar that she lived with for like 2 years or something ridonculous like that – and she just recently got her gall bladder out. Now she’s right as rain…

  3. Mmmm… deep fried, butter-covered bacon with a chaser of full-fat whipping cream.

    And I’m no doctor, but my wife has had a similar experience on two separate occasions. The first, like Sara above said, was her gall bladder. The second time it was diverticulitis. Either way, you need to bail on your doc and GO SEE AN INTERNIST. I mean, I’m sure your doc is great and all, but internists specialize in that shit and are usually younger and more up to speed on things GI-related.

  4. I had a friend with a similar pain. It started out random and slowly worked it’s way to major pain anytime she ate anything with fat in it. So basically everything made it hurt. She got her gall bladder out and has been in great health since. Hopefully your doctor finds the perfect solution for you too!!

  5. hope you’re feeling better – nothing worse than pain you don’t know the origin of… I agree with Jay, go see an internist.

    I googled my eye issues and when it told me that it could be a stroke, I nearly had one. Turned out to be 99% for sure an Opthalmic Migraine.

    Most doctors are amused when patients self diagnose. It’s a dangerous weapon sometimes.

  6. I hope you get some answers soon! I was thinking gull bladder at first, but it doesn’t make sense that the reaction is with all foods. My dad had similar pains with diverticulitis… his went undiagnosed for a long time but now is completely under control. And yes, I got my degree from Google U… when I was pregnant my husband took my internet away because I was always having problems diagnosing myself. Then when my son was born I was convinced that fact he sweat so much was because of congenital heart disease. The wonders of the internet.

  7. Damn woman. Keep us updated okay?
    I hate mystery pain because the endless possibilites fueled by the white hot fear of google information make for a mentally lethal cocktail.

  8. Pingback: Mr. Samers «

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