Mission ImPatio

Ok, that was stupid.  Forget I said that.  I’ll just go ahead and punch myself in the crotch for you and we can all move on, m’kay?

Let’s start over.

My Backyard, Two Phases In: A Guided Tour

Here’s the Before:

Here is our backyard as it stood before.  It was just a big, empty suck-hole.  There was nowhere to sit except the standard builder’s cement block steps as my sad, little girls are doing here, nowhere to stand, unless you’re prone to standing in the middle of barren, vacant fields, as my terribly unamused brother-in-law-ish is doing here.  Even the barbeque got so bored with the backyard that it committed suicide.  Death by boredom.  Nothing but some grass, alive and dead, a couple of ugly steps, a broken grill, and some random wheelbarrow that doesn’t even belong to us.

And here is the After:

I know, right?  OMGWTFBBQ!!!1!  This is what … an embarrassing amount of money will buy you.  The picture doesn’t do it justice.  It’s gorgeous.  And huge.  AH and I painstakingly designed it ourselves (while tricking the landscapers into thinking they designed it) and spent a great deal of time picking out the style and colour of the stones used.  It was a lot of work for us. 

We took in three estimates from different landscaping companies and settled on the one we went with because we liked the vibe we got from their salesman/designer/labourer/does-it-all-dude.  Plus they could start a month before anyone else could and promised it would be done in 3 to 4 days.  Sold.  They weren’t the cheapest, they haven’t been around the longest, they didn’t have the most professional portfolio, but they were who we felt the most comfortable handing over that amount of money to.  And I think the results speak for themselves.  We made the right decision.

Just look at these steps.  So pretty!  And the path encompassing them perfectly?  I could hug them if they were so stoney and dirty and awkward.  One thing I was adamant about was having curved steps.  Apparently, having the dirt stuff (that will get wet) butting right up against the siding (which it would have to do because of our grading) would be a bad, bad thing.  So, as a compromise, we did beautiful stone slabs for the first step, and a big, sweeping, curvy landing.  I wasn’t sure if I’d like it (“compromising” just means you lost), but I must admit that I do.

And our pathway from our gate to the backyard.  Lovely.  This was more difficult than it looks because before the professionals set to work on digging our backyard to pieces, the grading here was significant.  It has a very steep decline away from the house, which would have been impossible to brick.  So, they leveled it out slightly and added river rock (which is my new favourite thing – those rocks are the size of baseballs)(oh, wait – I now envision a lot of broken windows in my future).  There is a small step up from the path to the backyard, which is fine.  It was necessary.

And here’s the view of the backyard from the patio, looking out at the Murder Shed regular shed.  The landscapers replaced all the grass that they had damaged, which they hadn’t actually damaged because they removed it before they even started.  And see that big, open space over there to the left?  Guess what goes there.  That’s right.  Tramp-O-Frickin’-Line. 

And here’s where we end our tour, at the spot which my impossibly adorable children have proclaimed to be the dance floor.  Look at those kids.  They are hypnotizing you with their cute.  They started the day in matching outfits, but the little one there can’t seem to go thirty minutes without muddying up her pants.  What you can’t see from the strategically blurry photo is that their shirts are completely strafed with chocolate splatters.  It’s like they stood behind a chocolate easter bunny while it got shot in the head.  They have chocolate easter bunny brains all over themselves.

Well, thank you for joining me on this guided tour of my backyard, two phases in.  Be sure to stop by again when we have Phase 3 to show you.  That phase is the bouncy one, so remember to pack your adult diapers and a barf bag.


13 thoughts on “Mission ImPatio

  1. “It’s like they stood behind a chocolate easter bunny while it got shot in the head.”

    I love the imagery of that. perfect. Beautiful patio! Yay, you!

  2. Very very nice!! I like what you’ve done there! I am also super jealous that you get to dress your kids the same. I would do that too but I think Owen would disown me when he got older and realized that putting him in the colourful dress (preferably with sparkles) was maybe a little bit cruel.

  3. That Easter bunny imagery was just haunting. So semisweet (get it? like chocolate? hahahahaha. I’m frigging hilarious.)

    So jealous of the awesome patio. WTFBBQ, indeed.

    • Bwahahaha…semisweet…like how most people would say “bittersweet”, you switched it up all witty-like and said “semisweet” instead. Good one, twat.

      Wut? Only works on twitter?

  4. Friends of ours have a trampoline that I was bouncing on this weekend. So fun!!

    Between your amazing designing skilz and the boys amazing building skilz — you really have a beautiful backyard now!! Congrats!

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