My happiness

I’ve spent a great deal of my life happy.  I had a terrific childhood, usually had at least a friend of two to talk to, and I’ve been generally the picture of health.  Over the years, my childhood transformed into a good, functional relationship with both of my parents and my brother and sister.  Friends have come and gone and come again, but I’ve also gained new ones who I hope last a very long time.  And my health has remained, as always, generally perfect.  Sure, we all have at least a few bad memories from our past and we’ve had friendships fall and we’ve all been sick a time or two.  But over all, my life has been great.

And even though my life as a whole, all 30.5 years (exactly, to the day), has been terrific, I find myself at a place right now where I can honestly say I don’t think I could be happier.  This precise moment in my life, Sunday May 30, 2010, is the best day of my life so far.  Better than my wedding, because I’m here today almost 6 years later, still married and happier in that marriage than I was on day one.  Better than the births of my children, because I’m here today almost 2 and over 4 years later, loving my children exponentially more than I did on their first days of life.  And I expect that tomorrow will be better, and the next will be better than tomorrow, and so on.

The family we’ve created and developed and nurtured is more than I could have dreamed.  Sure, my kids can be more than just a bit of trouble, but they’re beautiful, intelligent, energetic and hilarious.  I’ll take a pain in the ass if it means I get to have kids who are all of that.  And AH and I have our disagreements; no one can get along every moment of every day for all of eternity.  It’s against the laws of nature.  But he’s a wonderful husband and father, who will cook and clean take care of us as much as we need him to.  I’ll take the odd bump in the road to be married to a man like that.

And the friends I’ve sought out are the ones I want in my life.  They are who I want to be around, to laugh with, to rant at, to dance like a monkey for.  They are who I choose.  I hope they know that.  And I mean those friends I get to see in real life and those I only get to email.   I hope they know what they mean to me.

My professional life has always been the one element which would bring me down.  I had long ago given up the dream of having a job I want as opposed to having a job simply to pay the bills.  And the job I do have is terrific in it’s own right.  Great pay for what I do, incomparable benefits, and as much security as you could possibly have now adays.  The commute is next to nothing, I get to go home at lunch to see my kids, and I can punch in at 8:30 and out at 4:30 without fail.

But it is just a job.  It is not what I want to be doing with my life.  And so, thanks to Teh Innernets, I’ve found a compromise.  Writing here and at MamaPop and How To Eat and Draft Day Suit, I get to fulfill my creative side.  I get to express myself in a way that I simply can not at my day job.  I get to have a voice and an opinion and be funny and silly and wear track pants if I want.  Sure, it’s hard work balancing family and my day job and these other tasks I’ve taken on, but it’s what I want to do.  It’s exhaustingly hard work, and I’m not sure I’m doing a very good balancing act, but I’m working on that.  I’m coming up with ways to schedule better and hopefully in time it will be more manageable.

And so, on days like today, when I am able to count my blessings and appreciate all that I have, I need to type it out and press ‘publish’.  I need to bookmark it so that on days when I don’t remember everything I have that I should be eternally grateful for, I can return to what I’ve written and be reminded of how lucky I am.

I have all these things.  They are mine.  They are my happiness.


16 thoughts on “My happiness

  1. Good call focusing on the good things and appreciating them. And I think you’re doing a great balancing job. I mean, you *could* pay more attention to me….

    But still.


    • I KNEW I was neglecting someone…

      Alright, send me your home address and I’ll camp out on your front lawn with binoculars and watch you eat.

  2. What nice words to read on a Monday morning. Thanks for sharing.

    It’s human nature to complain, to focus on the negative. But we are so blessed with our health and beautiful children and roofs (rooves?) over our heads. I try to take a moment each day and think of something I’m grateful for. It certainly helps get over the grumps and take real stock in life.

    I’m proud to be counted among your friends. And that my goal of making you FEELY sometimes works.


  3. Great post Jen – ’tis so nice to focus on the positive every once in a while. I like the idea of taking stock and being thankful. ewwww…… girly feelings!

  4. Seriously. Were we separated at birth or something? At times, I feel like you are narrating my life events and the inner workings of my mind. I get more and more pissed that I can’t do what I WANT to do for a living, but fail to see just what the job I am paid to do and spent 4-6 years educating myself to do said job, actually provides for me and my family. I still strive to get to that point of want vs need, but thanks to this post, it reminds me to just fucking chill out a bit. Great post, Jen.

    • I just, a few weeks ago, realized that I don’t have to be happy with my day job as long as I can be happy everywhere else. The job is just a means to an end. It’s the way I can afford to do the things I want to do and have the things I want to have. It’s a compromise.

      When’s your birthday? Maybe we’re TWINSIES.

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