Ahh! Kidzeerah!

We’d like to thank those who have travelled…” 

RWAAAAAAAW 

“…great distances to be with us today…” 

GAAAAAAAAHHHH 

“…We can’t tell you how honoured we are…”

BAAAAAAAAAAWWWW

“…that you made the long trip…”

GRRRRRRRR

“…from overseas…”

AAAAARRRRRRGGGGG

“…You’ve made today even more special…”

ROOOOOOAAAARRRR

“…than we could have ever imagined…”

AH AH AH AH AAAAAAHHHH AH AH!!!

***

Choose your own adventure.  When invited to a wedding, you could either a) bring along your 2 year old who, conveniently, chooses that day to go full-on monster.  Literally.  “I’m a monster.”  Or b) leave her at home. 

Now, sure, said 2 year old was generally well behaved, save for her complete conversion to a new, mystical species.  She remained in her seat, was happy and smiley, didn’t so much as complain once.  But…she was a monster.  Loud and proud.  So perhaps I could over look this small wrench for just a couple of hours so that she can participate in the festivities.  She was invited specifically, after all.

However, when you’re a direct relation to the bride, you tend to sit near the front.  Like, parents’ table, near the front.  And near the front is within shouting (or growling) distance from the podium.  The microphone-equipped podium.  The voice (or roar)-enhancing microphone-equipped podium.  And you’re also sitting directly adjacent to where the videographer tends to stand.   The videographer who is capturing every little moment to be treasured forever by the bride and groom as a reminder of the happiest day of their lives.

Set to the Gozilla soundtrack.

That was 3 hours of speeches in between courses of dinner, 3 hours of monster-child, who naturally has the loudest voice I’ve ever heard, 3 hours of me trying, fruitlessly, to silence, or at least quiet, the kid, and 3 hours of me dying of mortification.

All I could do was apologize.  They forgive me now, but just wait until their video comes in.  They may be changing their tune.

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9 thoughts on “Ahh! Kidzeerah!

  1. Ahhhh hahahaha! If they included her on the invite, then you are totally in the clear. If you had brought her along to an “adult only” wedding then you should be a little red faced.

  2. I never knew how loud my kids were till I took them to a wedding. The baby got her loud “I’m dropping a hot deuce” grunts and moans in the middle of the maid of honors speech. Fun stuff!

  3. MONSTER-CHILD! RUN!

    Last time I took a 2 year old to a wedding, I spent the whole ceremony keeping him from running off into the woods. I’d look up every now and then, aww, aren’t the bride and groom lovely? Then off he’d go.

    • I thought about that, so I strapped her into a high chair. Although, she doesn’t make a very good monster if she can’t escape the straps on the seat.

  4. You just played into the circle of life — other parents were silently happy that wasn’t their kid — you can be silently happy when another loud kid is causing problems elsewhere later.

    You know, just like in the “Lion King.”

  5. We had to keep interrupting our own wedding service because Lexy (then 3.25 years old) was running amok … back and forth from one relative who tried to quiet her, to another. The service took 10 minutes longer than planned simply because she kept interrupting us…

    The piece-de-la-resistence was when she got up to the alter where her dad and i were holding hands, looking longlingly/lovingly into each other’s eyes while she held her little arms up in the air at me screaming “MOMMMMMMYYYYY IIIIIII WWWWWAAAANNNNNNTTTTT UPPPPPP!!!!” and “I HAVE TO PEE”…

    After that, we totally deserved our honeymoon – sans child. I feel your pain.

  6. Hilarious! When my sister got married my (6YO) son asked me in the chapel: “Mommy, when is this over, this is soho bohoring…ing…ing ” Chapels have great acoustics.

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