“We’d like to thank those who have travelled…”
“…great distances to be with us today…”
“…We can’t tell you how honoured we are…”
“…that you made the long trip…”
“…You’ve made today even more special…”
“…than we could have ever imagined…”
AH AH AH AH AAAAAAHHHH AH AH!!!
Choose your own adventure. When invited to a wedding, you could either a) bring along your 2 year old who, conveniently, chooses that day to go full-on monster. Literally. “I’m a monster.” Or b) leave her at home.
Now, sure, said 2 year old was generally well behaved, save for her complete conversion to a new, mystical species. She remained in her seat, was happy and smiley, didn’t so much as complain once. But…she was a monster. Loud and proud. So perhaps I could over look this small wrench for just a couple of hours so that she can participate in the festivities. She was invited specifically, after all.
However, when you’re a direct relation to the bride, you tend to sit near the front. Like, parents’ table, near the front. And near the front is within shouting (or growling) distance from the podium. The microphone-equipped podium. The voice (or roar)-enhancing microphone-equipped podium. And you’re also sitting directly adjacent to where the videographer tends to stand. The videographer who is capturing every little moment to be treasured forever by the bride and groom as a reminder of the happiest day of their lives.
Set to the Gozilla soundtrack.
That was 3 hours of speeches in between courses of dinner, 3 hours of monster-child, who naturally has the loudest voice I’ve ever heard, 3 hours of me trying, fruitlessly, to silence, or at least quiet, the kid, and 3 hours of me dying of mortification.
All I could do was apologize. They forgive me now, but just wait until their video comes in. They may be changing their tune.