30 Days Of Truth – Day Eight

Day 8 – Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

Huh.

As an adult, I am a loose believer in “people will only treat you the way you allow them to treat you”.  I mean, obviously there are some exceptions to that rule, but in general I think it holds true.  They treat you one way once, you either tolerate it or you don’t.  You can stay, say nothing, smile and nod or you can leave, speak up, smack them across the face and tell them to piss off.

I say I’m a loose believer because sometimes, when you’re not paying attention, people can tear you apart and you don’t even know it’s happening.  Sometimes something happens that you don’t realize is happening until it’s over and then it’s done and now what?  You go on.  You try to heal.  You pick yourself up, even if it takes weeks, months, years, you tell yourself to forget about it, and you worry about how to make it ok.

This is all so very vague, I know, and this is supposed to be the 30 days of truth.  I’m not supposed to be vague.  The problem with that is the “someone” who did those things up there in bold and underscored is actually many “someones” and this was all so long ago.

***

There is always two sides to a story and when you act after hearing one side without hearing the other, somebody’s getting hurt.  They may not have meant to hurt me, but they did.  They hurt me really bad.  Stripped me of a lot of what once made me me.  Without both sides of the story, they never knew that I didn’t deserve it.  I didn’t deserve to be abandoned, shut out, ignored, left nearly alone.  I did nothing wrong.  Well, maybe I did, but there were reasons.  There were legitimate reasons that no one would listen to.  They took the side they thought was right and I was abandoned.  They wouldn’t listen to me and I needed to be heard.  If only I had been heard.

I wasn’t blameless; I know this.  I did what I did because I felt in my heart that it was the right thing to do.  And, as it turns out, it was most definitely the right thing to do.  But people got hurt and I own that.  I hurt those people.  I just don’t believe I deserved the punishment I was doled.  No, my life wasn’t ruined.  I was happy in a lot of ways – I even had one miracle of a friend who stuck by me – and as the months and years wore on I grew even happier.  But for many years, a part of me felt lost.  All because I was never heard.  No one let me tell my side of the story.

***

I’m not lost anymore.  I forgive those people and I’ve been forgiven by them.  Or at least by some of them.  And you know what?  At this point in my life, that’s enough for me.

***

Day 1 – Something you hate about yourself.

Day 2 – Something you love about yourself.

Day 3 – Something you have to forgive yourself for.

Day 4 – Something you have to forgive someone else for.

Day 5 – Something you hope to do in your life.

Day 6 – Something you hope you never have to do.

Day 7 – Someone who has made your life worth living for.

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25 thoughts on “30 Days Of Truth – Day Eight

  1. Edit button. Blameless. Already hurt. Didn’t want to be more hurt. Didn’t want to hurt others. Blameless. Now pick a date to take me shopping, because you made me cry and it’s been too long. Again.

  2. I actually have to disagree that “people will only treat you the way you allow them to treat you.” I think you can control how you REACT to people shitting on you (that’s a Dr. Phil right there…). But you can’t control what people say or do.

    If there’s one thing I’ve learned from my husband in 12 years, it’s that there is no sense worrying about what you can’t control. So I try my best to not let the drama and bullshit that surrounds my work (and often family) get to me. It’s hard when you really want to “speak up, smack them across the face and tell them to piss off” when you CAN’T for business/small town sake. Kirsty and I struggle with this every day, when the huge bulk of our job is just managing big personalities and tiptoeing around with all this info we carry.

    But like all things in life, it’s always easier to say than do…

    I do think some anger in life is good. It puts things in perspective. It makes you appreciate the good times.

    My solution to people who piss me off? Good sex, wine and food. Aaayyy-men.

    • I stand by what I said. Sometimes you don’t have a choice but to let them treat you like crap, like in business, but it’s still a choice. If it’s a decision you HAVE to make, putting up with someone who treats you poorly, that’s fine. We all do what we have to do. But it’s still your choice to continue to be treated that way.

      And “speak up, smack them across the face and tell them to piss off” was metaphorical. You can tell people tactfully that they’re treating you poorly. A huge portion of my job is to receive complaints and I have to ask people to check themselves all the time.

  3. I would like to be perfect. Honestly, I have tried. Really, really hard. But I hurt people. Sometimes I don’t even know that I have. Sometimes I hurt someone and see them dying on the spot, and I don’t know how to pull them close and make it all better. Sometimes, I get hurt. And I say nothing. This is Life. Is rough, and messy, and dangerous…but is off-set by joy and happiness and triumph. I’ll take a whole whack of hurt because a moment of joy makes it all worthwhile.

  4. I totally agree with the premise if you let people shit on you then shit on you they will do over and over again. I agree wholeheartedly. It doesn’t mean that if you don’t let them they won’t try. It doesn’t mean you can control them. It just means they’ll go and shit on somebody else if you clearly had your anti-shit-on-me-shield sticking out.

    But sometimes I wonder why we let certain people do certain things to us even if we know it’s hurtful AS it’s being done.

    I’m glad some of those mean buggers did the forgive and be forgiven thing. I like happy mushy endings.

  5. Mean people can usually be sensed moments before they arrive as they tend to suck all the joy out of a room right before they enter.
    For the sneaky ones I employ the ostrich method for awhile until they become completely unbearable and I’m forced to say something.
    I HATE confrontation so I prefer if people just convert to kindness BEFORE meeting me.
    Sadly this can’t always happen and unpleasantness ensues.
    I’ve had a few very sneaky people bent on quietly destroying me while never taking the smile off their face. By the time I turn around to pull the knife out of my back they’ve shifted the blame elsewhere.
    This tends to make me want to kick these type of people very hard and usually I do! Yay!

  6. Sometimes I think I like being shit on.

    And then I smack myself in the face and tell my self to piss off and when that happens the person who shit on me gets struck so hard I knock them the fuck out. And once you are out. I’m done.
    I wash my hands and move on.

    Okay so that was really dramatic, but it’s kind of what happens.

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