Day 8 – Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
As an adult, I am a loose believer in “people will only treat you the way you allow them to treat you”. I mean, obviously there are some exceptions to that rule, but in general I think it holds true. They treat you one way once, you either tolerate it or you don’t. You can stay, say nothing, smile and nod or you can leave, speak up, smack them across the face and tell them to piss off.
I say I’m a loose believer because sometimes, when you’re not paying attention, people can tear you apart and you don’t even know it’s happening. Sometimes something happens that you don’t realize is happening until it’s over and then it’s done and now what? You go on. You try to heal. You pick yourself up, even if it takes weeks, months, years, you tell yourself to forget about it, and you worry about how to make it ok.
This is all so very vague, I know, and this is supposed to be the 30 days of truth. I’m not supposed to be vague. The problem with that is the “someone” who did those things up there in bold and underscored is actually many “someones” and this was all so long ago.
There is always two sides to a story and when you act after hearing one side without hearing the other, somebody’s getting hurt. They may not have meant to hurt me, but they did. They hurt me really bad. Stripped me of a lot of what once made me me. Without both sides of the story, they never knew that I didn’t deserve it. I didn’t deserve to be abandoned, shut out, ignored, left nearly alone. I did nothing wrong. Well, maybe I did, but there were reasons. There were legitimate reasons that no one would listen to. They took the side they thought was right and I was abandoned. They wouldn’t listen to me and I needed to be heard. If only I had been heard.
I wasn’t blameless; I know this. I did what I did because I felt in my heart that it was the right thing to do. And, as it turns out, it was most definitely the right thing to do. But people got hurt and I own that. I hurt those people. I just don’t believe I deserved the punishment I was doled. No, my life wasn’t ruined. I was happy in a lot of ways – I even had one miracle of a friend who stuck by me – and as the months and years wore on I grew even happier. But for many years, a part of me felt lost. All because I was never heard. No one let me tell my side of the story.
I’m not lost anymore. I forgive those people and I’ve been forgiven by them. Or at least by some of them. And you know what? At this point in my life, that’s enough for me.