Day 16 – Someone or something you definitely could live without.
I’ve never had a problem with alcohol. In fact, I’ve never been addicted to anything, really. But I can drink. I’m Canadian. We’re born with an abnormally high tolerance for anything fermented. But I don’t need to drink so I don’t very often.
Like any pregnant woman worth her salt, the moment I found out I was pregnant, I swore off alcohol. Then I breastfed for six months. Then I was too tired to consider a hangover an option. Then I was pregnant again. Then I breastfed for over a year. Then I was tired again (still). And the next thing I knew, it had been 3 years and I hadn’t had so much as a spiked truffle.
It got to be a part of my stubbornness. Having a drink would mean I lost. I had gone that long, I could go FOREVER. It was me against the alcohol and I’ll be damned if the booze was going to win. But it got to the point where I started to crave that which I had never craved. I was depriving myself of something for so long that I didn’t really need to be withholding. But I’m probably the most stubborn person I know, so I kept up with the deprivation.
Three years became four and four became five. I finally, at the thought of a huge family wedding at which I would be expected to speak to people I didn’t know very well or not at all, gave in. My fear of conversation and crowds beat my stubbornness easily. It wasn’t a fair fight, really. I found my tolerance hadn’t decreased and it all tasted exactly how I remembered and hangovers at 30 are just as bad as hangovers at 25, so what had I been doing for the last half a decade?
I still don’t drink very often and when I do it’s just a drink or two. I didn’t need the drink then and I don’t need it now. But sometimes I want it and that’s alright. To have a drink doesn’t mean I lose. I could definitely live without alcohol if I had to, but I don’t have to right now, so I don’t.