30 Days of Truth – Day Sixteen

Day 16 – Someone or something you definitely could live without.

I’ve never had a problem with alcohol.  In fact, I’ve never been addicted to anything, really.  But I can drink.  I’m Canadian.  We’re born with an abnormally high tolerance for anything fermented.  But I don’t need to drink so I don’t very often.

Like any pregnant woman worth her salt, the moment I found out I was pregnant, I swore off alcohol.  Then I breastfed for six months.  Then I was too tired to consider a hangover an option.  Then I was pregnant again.  Then I breastfed for over a year.  Then I was tired again (still).  And the next thing I knew, it had been 3 years and I hadn’t had so much as a spiked truffle.

It got to be a part of my stubbornness.  Having a drink would mean I lost.  I had gone that long, I could go FOREVER.  It was me against the alcohol and I’ll be damned if the booze was going to win.  But it got to the point where I started to crave that which I had never craved.  I was depriving myself of something for so long that I didn’t really need to be withholding.  But I’m probably the most stubborn person I know, so I kept up with the deprivation.

Three years became four and four became five.  I finally, at the thought of a huge family wedding at which I would be expected to speak to people I didn’t know very well or not at all, gave in.  My fear of conversation and crowds beat my stubbornness easily.  It wasn’t a fair fight, really.  I found my tolerance hadn’t decreased and it all tasted exactly how I remembered and hangovers at 30 are just as bad as hangovers at 25, so what had I been doing for the last half a decade?

I still don’t drink very often and when I do it’s just a drink or two.  I didn’t need the drink then and I don’t need it now.  But sometimes I want it and that’s alright.  To have a drink doesn’t mean I lose.  I could definitely live without alcohol if I had to, but I don’t have to right now, so I don’t.

***

Day 1 – Something you hate about yourself.

Day 2 – Something you love about yourself.

Day 3 – Something you have to forgive yourself for.

Day 4 – Something you have to forgive someone else for.

Day 5 – Something you hope to do in your life.

Day 6 – Something you hope you never have to do.

Day 7 – Someone who has made your life worth living for.

Day 8 – Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

Day 9 – Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

Day 10 – Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

Day 11 – Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

Day 12 – Something you never get compliments on.

Day 13 – A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days.

Day 14 – A hero that has let you down. (letter)

Day 15 – Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

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5 thoughts on “30 Days of Truth – Day Sixteen

  1. I love this post mostly because I own the only copy of the best drunken Jen photos EVER. Taken on the one and only night I helped hold your hair back. xo

  2. Pingback: 30 Days of Truth – Day Seventeen «

  3. Pingback: 30 Days of Truth – Day Eighteen «

  4. Pingback: 30 Days of Truth – Day Nineteen «

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