Merry Christmas, from my brother

My brother is a bit of a jerk.  And I say that with pride, because he’s like a mini-me.  If I were, say, 15 feet tall because he’s actually more like a gigantic-me if we’re speaking strictly physically here.  I mean mini-me because he’s 6.5 years my junior.  But we, along with my sister, all share the same sense of humour and that is the humour of a jerk.  We’re mean to each other and we gross each other out on purpose and perhaps one of us has been known to lose our temper and spit on another one of our pillows because we thought it was a hilarious form of punishment.

* that was probably me, but my sister totally deserved it.  I don’t remember what she did, but it was probably terrible.

When it came time to open our gifts, my sister and I could tell pretty clearly what my brother had gotten us.  Beneath each of our wrapping paper was clearly a hard covered book.  No big surprise because when he asked us what we wanted, we only gave him one option.  A book.  I asked for The Help, my sister asked for something else I don’t remember.

So, we opened our thinly veiled hard covered books and what we unwrapped was so very not what we had ordered.

Click to enlarge. Trust me. Just do it.

If you can’t read the hand writing, let me translate:

Book #1 is entitled 300 Recipes Involving Poop. The photo caption reads poop ice cream.  Book #2 is called Pictures of Poop, and the featured picture of poop is poop on a chair.

My brother is 24 years old.  He went to university for 5 years (don’t ask me about the math) and graduated with flying colours.  He now wears an iron ring with pride and can call himself a Nuclear Engineer.  He has a nerd brain, is what I’m saying.  He may not appear 100% nerd on the outside, but up in that enormous head of his, is a brain with a lot of boring stuff rattling around inside.  But then he has time for this.  Penning two books, a recipe book and a photo journal, dedicated to poop.

I have no idea where he learned to behave this way, but I, for one, am appalled.

* he’s lucky the books we asked for were under those covers, or homeboy would be sleeping in a puddle of spit.  I’M SERIOUS.

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4 thoughts on “Merry Christmas, from my brother

    • I mean, not that I’m purposely NOT inviting you, but it’s probably a good idea to stay far, far away during dinner at my family’s house. It’s a regular occurrence for at least one of us to gag. Usually my dad. His stomach isn’t made to handle the talk around our dinner table.

  1. I wish I had reason to ride the subway or the train, so I could casually read my poop cookbook. Maybe bring some little post-it tabs and mark some pages, while making mmm noises and nodding my head….

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