I’ve already posted twice today, on a Saturday no less, but some days are too good not to immediately document. And by “too good”, I mean I hate today so bad I want to punch it in it’s stupid, ugly, fucked up face. Pardon my french.
Stuff that sucked ass today (pardon my french again):
1. We took the kids to Denny’s for lunch. We were all sticky from syrup in places we didn’t even realize came in contact with food. Those of us who didn’t even use syrup were sticky. Syrup is sticky, people. Use caution when letting almost-three year olds have free reign.
2. In Leon’s, while buying Avery her very first Big Girl Bed, I learned a very important life lesson. Well, it was a lesson I’d been taught many times before, but until today, I’d failed to commit it to memory. INDOOR PLAYGROUNDS WERE INVENTED BY THE DEVIL HIMSELF. There is no reason they should exist. They were designed to crush a parent’s spirit and that’s their sole purpose. I’d rather lay on a bed of broken glass set aflame than supervise my kids in another indoor playground.
3. Actual fist fight between the youngest of us in Walmart (yeah, Denny’s and Walmart; we were total high brow today). Who told me two girls in such close succession was a good idea? That person is an idiot and should be stoned to death.
Which is not, despite appearances, a rat. It is hair that used to belong attached to the rest of this hair:
Awesome, right? You can’t see the part right at the top where she cut down nearly to her skull. Or the part at the back where she grabbed a random chunk and cut.
I blame myself for about 60% of this. I foolishly thought the two of them could play nicely together in Avery’s room, so I stayed downstairs and didn’t hover. My first clue should have been when Eirinn came down and said that Avery wanted to have a nap and got herself into bed. Avery doesn’t have naps anymore and if she did want to have one, we’d have to get her pajamas on, a drink of milk, go pee, read a story, sing a song, and about a million hugs and kisses. She’s OCD, not spontaneous. But I thought maybe it was a game they were playing or something. But then a few minutes later, Eirinn came down again. Said Avery cut her hair. Hahaha…yeah right. Part of another game. But I went upstairs to play along and when I got there, Avery was still in her bed with significantly less hair attached to her head, but surrounded by big chunks of it. And more on the floor. And some in her garbage can. Shorn by a pair of infant nail scissors.
In a fit of emergency and panic, we flew (figure of speech, we actually just drove) to First Choice. The McDonald’s of salons, but they can be relied upon to always be open and cheap. She came out with this:
I guess kinda cute, but also kinda not. Well, the face is totally cute in a mischievous “I’ll cut my own hair off if you come any closer, woman” sort of way, but the hair looks like Captain Kangaroo.
I understand the stylist didn’t have much to work with, so I totally don’t blame her. Not one bit. I blame myself 60%, Avery 20%, and Eirinn, who we’re convinced handed Avery the scissors, AT LEAST 20%.
5. For reasons I choose not to get into, I spent the end of my day cleaning dried blood out of our cream coloured carpet. Don’t worry, it was mine. I’ve already said too much.
6. For the entirety of the day, I believed that I had two glasses of wine left in the bottle from last night. There was only one.
Not funny, universe. Not funny.