Today, we failed that little girl once again

At 2:05 today I began watching live footage.  I was at work and I shouldn’t have been watching, I know, but I couldn’t not.  I had to, at least just for a few minutes.  I hadn’t watched even one moment of the trial leading up to today, besides the clips on the 11 o’clock news occasionally, but today I simply had to tune in.  I had a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and I had a lump in my throat while I sat there watching the gallery of whoever was filling the seats in that courtroom.  As the clock ticked onward, the sick feeling and the lump made way for a hotness behind my eyes.  I had nothing invested in the outcome – I don’t know the accused, I didn’t know the victim, and the justice system isn’t mine – but at that moment it meant the world to me.  I was consumed with worry, with preemptive disappointment and shame, with a spark of anger I wasn’t sure was justified.

And then it was.  In an instant, I felt my heart sink and my faith in humanity crumble.  I sat there staring at the screen, lost, because what could I do?  Who could I yell at that could right all of the wrongs?  Where could I send my money to fix this?  What bargain could I make to bring back that sweet little girl?  There was nothing.  There is nothing.  Today, we failed that little girl once again.

It’s not my concern whether or not justice was served.  Whether the not guilty verdict was correct or a gross mistake wasn’t what pained me so.  If she didn’t do it, fine.  Then she didn’t do it.  But someone did.  She didn’t accidentally drown.  Someone did this to this beautiful child, this baby, and that person did not hear “of the charge of murder in the first degree, we, the jury, find the defendant GUILTY.”  No one heard that.  That person is free to roam the streets, free to work and earn a living, to start or raise a family, to have friends, to laugh, to be loved.  That person is free to kill again.  If not now, soon enough.

That little girl did nothing to deserve what happened to her.  Like I said, I do not for one iota believe that this was an accident.  This was done TO her.  She is dead because someone wanted her that way, not because of a series of unfortunate accidental events.  Someone wanted this precious two year old dead and that’s just what she is.  She will never become what she was meant to be, she’ll never know the love she deserved, she won’t ever be hugged or tickled again.  And the grown up responsible is free.

As I sat there staring at my computer screen in disbelief, I thought about my own kids.  So close in age to how old that little girl would be and how old she was when she was killed.  I look at my oldest who is the age she would have been and I see everything she missed.  I look at my youngest who is just a bit older than what she was when someone took her life and I think ‘how could someone even contemplate doing something so heinous to such a helpless person?’  I will never understand.  I refuse to even try.

Maybe the mother did it.  Maybe not.  I have an opinion, but the point isn’t whether or not she did.  The point is someone did.  Someone took her life and whether the jury found her guilty or not, there’s nothing that can bring her back.  And there is just nothing ok about any of it.


I don’t want to use the names of those involved because I’m not baiting for pageviews or anything.  You’ll notice I haven’t tagged this post.  I just needed to get some of this out without having to justify my sadness for someone I never met to people with opinions based on logic and the word of the law.  When it comes to children, not just my own, I think with my heart, not my head and I can’t argue that.


30 thoughts on “Today, we failed that little girl once again

  1. I have not been able to put my feelings to words since this afternoon when I watched the coverage. But you have found the words that my heart has been screaming. Thank you for that.

    There was no justice. It is not okay.

  2. This is perfectly said. I’m just heartbroken that the truth hasn’t been told. That little girl’s life was worth more than its been given. I feel she was very much disrespected today and for the last 3 years. If SHE didn’t do it, then who did? And why aren’t they looking for them? 😦

  3. Well said. My children are all grown but I have grandchildren & I can’t imagine anyone ever hurting a child in any way much less doing some so heinous that would cause their death.

  4. I am feeling a whole lot of feelings today. Shock because this woman was negligent and I am pretty sure she did do it. Sadness that so many other murdered children dont get this attention. Sympathy for the jurors because I know you have to be really damn sure to convict and I am not sure the prosecution did their job. Dismay about how this has all ended.

    • It really is a shame that a) this happens AT ALL and b) we only hear about a very small fraction of these cases. Just last night, before the news spoke about this case, they talked about one in Montreal, a man who was found not criminally responsible for killing his two young children. Stabbed them each dozens of times, but because he had the foresight to drink some windshield fluid before hand, he was deemed no responsible. Fucking sickening.

  5. Well I feel the exact same way, and I also feel like there is NO WAY she did NOT do it. She gets to walk free and go back to her life with no consequence. I hugged my own baby a little longer today after I heard the news.

  6. I don’t know who was “celebrating” anything related to this today online or elsewhere. About 5% of what a saw were a few people explaining how the justice system screwed up, and the other 95% was murderious rage. The latter I shared. I usually conduct anger easily, but I couldn’t handle the level of white hot hatred I was feeling today toward the inhuman monstor who did this, and my anger was being amplified by those online so I got off. And then I felt only sadness for the little girl, and a desire to protect my own little one like a mother lion. Now I feel both,c ad emptiness that this wrong can’t be rigthted. Maybe it can in another life, but not this one. The BITCH who did this…..well let’s just say I can’t imagine too many will morn her death when it comes. Hopefully sooner than latter.

    • I didn’t see any celebrations, either. Perhaps just a few odd people who were talking about if she WAS not guilty, then it was the right decision.

        • Oh! I see. I thought you meant people on the internet were celebrating.

          Well, yes. They “won”. It’s disgusting that that’s the way they view it.

  7. Jen, you know me well enough to know I don’t break down easilly. You almost made me cry with this. And it’s not that she was found not guilty, either; that’s America, and if she was guilty, her peers found her not to be. It’s more like, regardless of WHO did it, that person is still out there. And murder is one thing; murder of a little girl is too much. SOMEONE should pay for taking away that little girl’s future.

    • There is, once in a blue moon, an occasion that I can sometimes see why someone would kill. Self defense, for example. But there is never, EVER, e-v-e-r a reason why a child should die. There is never an excuse, or a reason, or a defense for such a thing. It is and will always be the worst kind of wrong.

  8. You got my sentiments completely right here as well. I was just saddened beyond words that this little girl was murdered, no one won, or will ever win with that being the case. She was the same age as my daughter and remember breaking down crying when they confirmed the body was hers and how it was found with stickers on the duct tape and such. So tragic. Someone did it to her, it was no accident. Hopefully someday, justice will be done for her memory.

  9. I can only hope that someone out there will be carrying on her fight to find out the truth. A child’s life was cut short and there is nothing more ugly in this world. I hope with all my heart that the truth will come out.

  10. Well said Jen, as usual. I couldn’t believe it either. I hadn’t been following the case too closely, because it just broke my heart how someone could have been so cruel to another human being, never mind just a baby. The details were horrifying, sickening, I just don’t have the vocabulary to describe it. I hope the Mother is happy now with what she (may or may not) has done . I hope she never finds a moment’s peace again. I hope that no matter where she goes, the image of her sweet baby haunts her. I hope her neighbours let her know exactly what kind of monster she is. The funny thing is, if she had been found guilty and sent to prison, the internal justice system of the inmates, would have dealt with her swiftly. There is a code in prison (or so I’ve heard) that you don’t hurt children. There are some things you just don’t do. There are some things that are beneath even the most hardened criminal. I’m done. I love my kids and you can believe that they know it too. It’s such a shame that little Caylee will never know the same. Rest in Peace.

Talk to me

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s