Weak From The Fight

PMS is loud with fury and rage and frustration.  We suffer, but not in silence.  It screams inside our head and pounds its fists on our skull until we let it out.  It grabs hold of the reigns and makes us do things and behave in ways that we wish we wouldn’t, and then whispers in our ears, telling us we’re terrible, worthless people.  That lump in your throat, the burning behind your eyes, the ache in your head – that’s PMS, taking up space, uninvited, ungrateful.  Bastard.  Your temper is quick, emotions are sensitive and raw, your patience is run dry.  You are anyone but you.  And yet you are.  After the rage spills over, after you’ve yelled and sighed and cried hot painful furious tears, PMS is there to push you, to ask you who the hell you think you are acting that way, to remind you that you are hurting people with your out of control emotions.  PMS takes no responsibility for its actions.  You’re left doing the time because it’s you PMS pushed into committing the crime.  You are a terrible, worthless person.  You don’t have any right to the fury that boils within.  That frustration you feel?  It’s all in your head, you selfish, ungrateful piece of shit.  And are you crying?  Are you crying? Nothing you can do or say can justify that display of weakness.  Grow up.  Lighten up.  Chill out.  It’s just PMS.  Get over yourself.  QUIT BEING A BITCH.  Just stop.  But the talons on the hands of PMS are sharp and have sunk deep.  You can’t shake it free.  You have to wait for it to decide to leave, its voice echoing in your ear – fight, defend, offend.  There is no end, they’re all against you, you are trapped.  No one’s listening, no one cares, you are unlovable.  Incapable of love.  Worth less.  Worthless.

And then it’s gone, just like that, and you’re left weak from fighting against it.  Your body, your heart, your mind, all exhausted from the battle, grateful for the reprieve.

But it will be back.  The relief is only temporary.

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12 thoughts on “Weak From The Fight

  1. yeah maybe a month of being able to be yourself. and before you know it, youre a sobbing mess in the middle of the bed while your husband has no idea what’s going on. hes trying to comfort you, and the rational part of your mind is telling you that it’s ok that he’s there, while the PMS brain is telling you to beat the holy hell out of him for coming anywhere near you.

    thanks alot PMS. we would SO not be twitter friends.

  2. Being a guy (dare I say that? Oh yes, you said it’s gone), I can only imagine what it must feel like, but you do write so beautifully about it. Great post! 😉

  3. you speak truth. for me, when life is really stressful already and then you add PMS to it, it pretty much makes me give up on everything emotionally, mentally, and physically. Takes me right down into the fetal position. And who has time for that when you have 4 kids? Gah. You really did a great job with this one. Also? You could re-label it Day 12 of the Shamelessness meme because it’s a health struggle, if you wanted.

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