I wish I could use this place for good instead of evil. I wish every one of you precious little snowflakes would breed and multiply and grow into many, many more precious little snowflakes and the impact I make is less “subtle flurry” and more “blizzard of epic proportions”. I’d use that. Oh, I’d use the hell out of that. I’d reach out to Those With Power or Money or Influence and work at spreading good.
It’s selfish of me to have this wish. While doing honorable and charitable things with the reach the Internet affords us is lovely, it’s greedy of me to want that for my corner. Greedy or controlling, I haven’t decided yet. I see what others can do with their voice and I think “I want that to be me.” Notice “I” and “me”? The mirror is always pointed inward. I don’t want the attention or the accolades or the applause, I don’t want fame or fortune or admiration; I just want the ability to facilitate and perpetuate generosity. I want to push people to do more, to sympathize more, to give more.
Could I do that with the audience I have now? Sure. But while you are all my special little Pop Tarts, there are but a few of you. I don’t appreciate you any less, in fact my appreciation is thick like peanut butter for every set of eyes that reads my words, I’m just not sure how much of an impact these words make. If I could, I’d organize help for the financially less fortunate, which is a PC term I just made up – just because you don’t have money, doesn’t mean you’re generally less fortunate. You can hold a fortune in love or joy or health and still not be able to pay your hydro bill or own a home. If I could, I’d tell the world exactly why I won’t let my children ever attend a circus (and I still may tell you, some day) and why you shouldn’t either. If I could, I’d show you pictures of wee baby polar bears and tell you why you shouldn’t just say “daw…”. If I could, I’d find a way to shine some light on women and children who have been abused. If I could, I’d help and inform and urge. If I could, I’d try to make people happy.
Those who do this now with what amplification the Internet has afforded them are who I look up to and admire. I don’t feel the need for the world to know my name or to make a full-time living blogging or to lock down a book deal to tell my life’s story. I don’t need all that and I really don’t think I’d deal with any of those things very well anyway. I’m not equipped, mentally, to be “known”. I prefer to hide and blend in. I’m a wall flower, even if I type in caps lock sometimes. But what I would like is to be able to shout from behind this keyboard and have it be heard, to have those words be meaningful and powerful and encouraging of change.
I don’t need to be known, but my dream is to use this place to make a difference. Maybe one day, when you all start multiplying.
And, just for the record, yes, I know I can still do good without having a large following. I already do what I can. I just would like to be able to do more.