I don’t like being mean. I’m Canadian and it’s just not in our nature to be outwardly cruel to anyone ::nose-snort::, but sometimes I just can’t seem to help it. I’m not -ist against any group of people ever invented anywhere, but lately I’ve found myself hating some of them. I’m not proud, but I can’t help it either, so whatever, right? And these people really, really deserve it, too, so it’s not totally my fault. It’s all these stupid people and their stupid hair, AMIRITE? And by ‘stupid’ hair, I mean good hair. I hate those people so hard.
This is me, at Christmas:
Like this, only mousier and fuzzier and stuff. If you’re thinking “But, Jen. Your hair IS mousy and fuzzy in this picture,” you would be WRONG because this is NO WHERE NEAR as mousy and fuzzy as normal, and also shut up. I probably have 10 million pounds of goop attempting to tame it. My hair is rebellious and it’s a problem.
My hair’s not terrible, but seriously, what the hell is that? It’s not curly, it’s definitely not straight, it’s not even really wavy. It’s just sort of not…good. It’s not brown, it’s not blonde, it’s not red. It’s all of those things, and also none of them, which makes it STUPID AND I HATE IT. For real this time, not like those jerks with the good hair.
So I should probably just do something about it and dye this crap, except my hair is ::whispery voice:: a virgin. I have no dye in it right now, which means I don’t have to worry about roots. Have you ever had to worry about roots? Me neither. And I DON’T WANNA. And yet? My hair looks like doody.
Let’s explore my options:
Pretty sure she’s naked here. Her skin looks stupid and fake. And I hate her stupid hair. Look at it being all well-behaved and un-fuzzy. Stupid hair. ::flips the finger::
Dallas Bryce Howard, you started this mess, and you and your bitch hair can just quit it. Also, nice name. Is that where your parents did it 9 months before you were born? ::full moon::
Emma’s dumb hair is dumb. Nice ring, Stone. Was the dumb store out of “I’m an idiot” placards, you had to settle for that thing? Between that and your hair, I can barely stand looking at you. ::chin flip::
I will smack that idiot hair right off your idiot face, Hilary. Don’t think I won’t. ::threatening fist::
Reese, I hope your kids shave your head with your husband’s pube razor in the middle of the night. Quit being so pretty. I hate you. ::throat-slice-mime::
Probably not blonde because I am SO not a blonde sort of person. Not right now, at least. So, go:
Since the internet, I’ve become incapable of making important decisions without consulting all you people, even though I have no idea what most of you look like. Nevertheless, you are my sunshines. I don’t want to decide. You do it.
IMPORTANT! I failed MISERABLY to mention that I have, in fact, dyed my hair before. I used to do it all the time, but back when my hair was short. When I grew tired of a colour, I’d just cut it off or dye it back to my natural shade. I’ve been blonde before, but not since high school, I’ve been bright red, dark red, dark brown. Pretty much every colour, really. But THIS hair on my head right now? This hair has never been touched by a chemical. Right down to my tips, and it has taken more than three years to grow it all out, meaning if I dye it a colour I hate, I do NOT want to have to cut it off. I like the length (it’s longer than half way down my back; below my bra strap).