Help Me Help You Help Me

I don’t like being mean.  I’m Canadian and it’s just not in our nature to be outwardly cruel to anyone ::nose-snort::, but sometimes I just can’t seem to help it.  I’m not -ist against any group of people ever invented anywhere, but lately I’ve found myself hating some of them.  I’m not proud, but I can’t help it either, so whatever, right?  And these people really, really deserve it, too, so it’s not totally my fault.  It’s all these stupid people and their stupid hair, AMIRITE?  And by ‘stupid’ hair, I mean good hair.  I hate those people so hard.  

This is me, at Christmas:

 
Like this, only mousier and fuzzier and stuff.  If you’re thinking “But, Jen.  Your hair IS mousy and fuzzy in this picture,” you would be WRONG because this is NO WHERE NEAR as mousy and fuzzy as normal, and also shut up.  I probably have 10 million pounds of goop attempting to tame it.  My hair is rebellious and it’s a problem.

My hair’s not terrible, but seriously, what the hell is that?  It’s not curly, it’s definitely not straight, it’s not even really wavy.  It’s just sort of not…good.  It’s not brown, it’s not blonde, it’s not red.  It’s all of those things, and also none of them, which makes it STUPID AND I HATE IT.  For real this time, not like those jerks with the good hair.

So I should probably just do something about it and dye this crap, except my hair is ::whispery voice:: a virgin.  I have no dye in it right now, which means I don’t have to worry about roots.  Have you ever had to worry about roots?  Me neither.  And I DON’T WANNA.  And yet?  My hair looks like doody.

Let’s explore my options:

Dark Brown

Pretty sure she’s naked here.  Her skin looks stupid and fake.  And I hate her stupid hair.  Look at it being all well-behaved and un-fuzzy.  Stupid hair. ::flips the finger::

Dark Reddish

Bryce Dallas Howard Profile Photo

Dallas Bryce Howard, you started this mess, and you and your bitch hair can just quit it.  Also, nice name.  Is that where your parents did it 9 months before you were born? ::full moon::

Light Reddish

Emma’s dumb hair is dumb.  Nice ring, Stone.  Was the dumb store out of “I’m an idiot” placards, you had to settle for that thing? Between that and your hair, I can barely stand looking at you. ::chin flip::

Dark Blonde

0401-hilary_duff_bangs_2_bd.jpg

I will smack that idiot hair right off your idiot face, Hilary.  Don’t think I won’t. ::threatening fist::

Light Blonde

Blonde long hairstyle

Reese, I hope your kids shave your head with your husband’s pube razor in the middle of the night. Quit being so pretty.  I hate you. ::throat-slice-mime::

Probably not blonde because I am SO not a blonde sort of person.  Not right now, at least.  So, go:

Since the internet, I’ve become incapable of making important decisions without consulting all you people, even though I have no idea what most of you look like.  Nevertheless, you are my sunshines.  I don’t want to decide.  You do it.

***

IMPORTANT!  I failed MISERABLY to mention that I have, in fact, dyed my hair before.  I used to do it all the time, but back when my hair was short.  When I grew tired of a colour, I’d just cut it off or dye it back to my natural shade.  I’ve been blonde before, but not since high school, I’ve been bright red, dark red, dark brown.  Pretty much every colour, really.  But THIS hair on my head right now?  This hair has never been touched by a chemical.  Right down to my tips, and it has taken more than three years to grow it all out, meaning if I dye it a colour I hate, I do NOT want to have to cut it off.  I like the length (it’s longer than half way down my back; below my bra strap).

Carry on.

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28 thoughts on “Help Me Help You Help Me

  1. You have the perfect beachy wave going without even trying? Dang. Seriously, you should just embrace that because there are about a gagillion how to videos on how to achieve that look with a sock or some shit. I am a color whore, so of course I voted for coloring. It’s the best way to get a change up without whacking it all off. I chose dark brown b/c it will make your eyes pop. Just be careful with how dark of a color you choose. I tried “very dark brown” and immediately channeled Elvis. You can always go darker over a color, but it’s tough to lighten Elvis black.

    • No, I don’t have a beachy wave thing naturally. It takes a lot, A LOT, of product and scrunching and smoothing to get my hair anything but fuzzy. That picture was taken after a lot of fussing.

  2. I have the same hair! There was a time I colored it blonde because I was going through a Jessica Simpson phase (in my mind). But it was too expensive and annoying to maintain. Back to mousefuzzwave for me. And, of course, the occasional hot rollers. But you should experience the color thing at least once. I vote browny reddish.

    • I’m leaning toward browny reddish, too. I just wanted more opinions in case that was a bad idea. It was Dallas Bryce Howard’s hair in 50/50 that got me started anyway.

  3. Do it. Let me live vicariously through you. I’ve had an urge to dye my hair platinum – not even kidding. But in the interest of not hating my wedding pictures for the rest of my life, I have to wait 5 months… So, please, dye your hair. Do it for me. Go for a chocolately brown, but not too dark because you may look like a vampire…

  4. Like you, my hair isn’t curly (unless I walked in the rain in Vancouver for 1 hour then the sun came out and whammo my hair is instant curly, but I don’t live in Vancouver) and it’s not blond, it’s not brown, it’s thin and limpy, and scraggly and ALWAYS hated it! Then I moved to California and there is something magical about So-Cal because it transformed my hair! Big time! Now most days are actual good hair days. So here is what I say to you: move to San Diego. It’s a clear and easy solution. I mean, its all about priorities right?

  5. I hardly remember my natural hair color, but I’m pretty sure it’s something similar to yours (same with the texture).

    Don’t quote me on that, though, as like I said, I don’t really remember. (also a color whore here – I’m currently sporting a reddish pink)

    I like the lighter red, and the chocolate brown, myself.

  6. As you know, I just made a big change. (Well in November) I was blond all my life and I went to a brunette (a rather dark brunette IMO but real brunettes think it’s light.) I enjoyed the change and I got a lot of compliments. More people noticed my blue eyes. With THAT being said, I never felt like “me” and I still sort of prefer the blond. I got used to it but I sort of was wishing it would hurry and fade a little and go back to blond. With THAT being said, I’m glad I did it because I was always curious and I just had to fullfill that curiousity once and for all and I really do like the brown (just not as much as the blond.) I actually just got some highlights put in so it has been altered once again and now I feel fresh and new again. I will eventually make my way back to blond but it has been fun and now I can not think to myself “geez Stef, you are so boring, you’ve had the same hair your whole life.” I think you should do it! Why not really? You have a pretty face so you can pull any hair colour off (normal hair colour that is….don’t go weird…LOL)

    • Oh, come ON! I was totally prepared for blue.

      (As I outlined in my addendum) I’ve dyed my hair before, but just not in a very, VERY long time and right now my hair is very, VERY long, so I don’t want to ruin it. A wash-out might be a good compromise.

  7. Dark Brown/ Dark reddish brown would look perfect. It’ll bring out the sparkle in your eyes. And warm up your colouring. Keep the style/cut but Would you consider cutting about 3 inches? It would look fabulous.

  8. I think I’m the only one who voted no, but that doesn’t count because in 1992 the International Hair Coloring Board passed a motion that I am not allowed to weigh in on any hair-color-related issues, after the second time I dyed my own hair (the first time I tried to go from brunette to blonde and it turned orange, then later I dyed it back to brunette – I THOUGHT – but it turned out jet black). Both awful, so I lost my Hair Dye Opinion privileges. I think by IHCB rules, my “no” vote counts as 2.3 “yes to brown-y red” votes.

  9. I have been all of those colors and a few not mentioned. The way I have always looked at it is that it’s just hair and for me, mine rarely looks the same color-wise for longer than 6 weeks so who cares! Go with what you feel like, or have always wanted…then change it again next time.

  10. I want to see darker with a fun and unnatural colour in either one larger lone streak or a few foils on the under hair (not to be confused with the underwear hair!)

  11. I’m all for ‘low lights’ which is streaked color in a darker shade. I think your natural color complements your skin tone, but it would be good to break up the solid block – especially as you have waves. My philosophy is to not fight what you have, but to work with it – or get a chemical straightener which is like a perm and will last for months.

  12. Jen, I’d be happy to give you my colourist’s info if you’re serious about changing. She’s FAB and has won many awards. The salon is not too far from your neck of the Boonies either.

    Hair is an accessory (says the Lady with 3 colours in her hair)….

  13. okay, I know this an old post, but I think you would look nice with some highlights rather than full color. Highlighted heaver toward front of face and less toward the back. Think Jennifer Aniston hair. If you do not over highlight you can have more time between salon visits. Maybe try a a side part with a side swept bang, which I think will compliment your natural texture. Side swept bangs are also less maintenance than blunt cut. It looks like you have fair skin and brown eyes, so I think going lighter would compliment your features more than dark ( as long as it’s not to light). So… what did you do?

    • I went dark reddish brown (you’ll see in a subsequent post), but just a temporary colour, so it’s gone by now. I’m going to do something more permanent soon, but again, I don’t know what. My eyes are actually blue, but they’re really dark, so it’s easy to be fooled, especially in poorly lit pictures.

  14. If you’re worried about roots you should do a semi permanent hair dye. I used Light Mountain Natural hair color in auburn, and it washes out after a month or two, is inexpensive, and it doesn’t have any chemicals in it. The application is messy, but I love the effect an you can play around with whatever colors you want. I highly recommend it.

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