Ain’t No Party Like A Day After Canada Day Party*

One of my favourite things in the whole world is getting rid of stuff.  I may not be a clean freak, but I hate clutter, so I save up all my energy three or four times a year and purge as much as possible until I fall down exhausted.  These days usually hover around the girls’ birthdays and at Christmas.  Out with the old in with the new, one-in-one-out type deal.  This go ’round, I took two days and filled two giant garbage bags (that’s not an observation; the size is actually “Giant”) of stuff to donate, one regular sized garbage bag to dump, and nearly filled a recycling bin.  Two successful, satisfying days of chucking junk.

However, I do have a teeny weeny hoarding problem when it comes to cards.  I keep all of them.  All.  Of.  Them.  It’s gross.  So yesterday, while I was in the throes of a major purge, I decided to tackle the mountain.  To be honest, I couldn’t get rid of too many.  Maybe a quarter of them, if I’m being generous, but I did sort them so that they’re now at least more manageable, not just a giant pile of everyone’s cards thrown into a box.  Worse than it should be, but better than before.

While I was going through the cards, I was reminded that up until about two years ago, my brother hadn’t once signed a card with his own name, ever.  Pseudonyms, that was his thing.

A Comprehensive List of Pseudonyms My Brother Has Briefly Assumed:

  • The Rooster
  • Mark Wahlberg
  • Frankie Muniz
  • The Strongest Man Alive Now That Superman Is Dead
  • George Burns (on a 100th birthday card he gave me for my 30th)
  • Uncle K-Money
  • Barfy McPuke
  • The Materialized Unbridled Rage of Gallagher
  • Future Uncle of Omega Death
  • Boba Fett
  • The Man Of Your Dreams (on a card to AH)
  • The Dramatic Chipmunk
  • Brock Lesnar’s Left Bicep

So that’s what I did on my day off.  I organized and threw out toys and junk and I sorted several hundred greeting cards.  But then my mother in law took the kids to the zoo, so I finished up right quick and read on my back patio for an hour or so in the heat until I nearly fell asleep.  Can anyone tell me – does A Game Of Thrones EVER end?  And then I sat around wondering if my kids were holding their Granny hostage because that’s the only explanation as to how I could be sitting with nothing to do and no one to yell at for fighting.  I know how to party.

* I apologize for this post entirely.  Obviously, I wrote it while I was wondering where my kids were, but I failed to actually have anything of value to say before I started typing.


13 thoughts on “Ain’t No Party Like A Day After Canada Day Party*

  1. Here, here to no clutter! I’m the same way! My kids bring home a new craft from daycare or school and the second they put it down and walk away….RECYCLE BIN!!! Is that mean??

    • Nope! I do the same thing. Eirinn’s art was literally made from garbage all year that we called it Garbage Art. After the first few months, we had to tell her that she got to have the fun of making it, she could bring it home to show us, but then it had to be recycled because our house wasn’t big enough to store it all. She was ok with it.

  2. I can assure you that Game of Thrones does in fact end…but then you start reading the next one – and so far, for me, it does not end. I feel like this is going to happen three more times. Why are they so long? 1000 pages? seriously? And they could at least suck, so I could NOT read them, but, no, they’re awesome, so I have to torture myself.

  3. Oh, and now I have This Is How We Do It in my head. It’s my second favourite cheesy 90’s song, behind Return of the Mack. I could play those two on loop – and now I am, in my head. “All the gang bangers forgot about the drive by. It feels so good in my hood tonight. So tip up your cup and throw your hands up and let me hear the party say. I’m kinda buzzed and it’s all because ‘this is how we do it'”

    • You are so white. EVERYBODY ELSE READING THIS, YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW. I’VE NEVER EVEN SEEN HER DANCE. I imagine you sing this with proper enunciation in a speaking voice, like James Lipton or something.

  4. Never read them. Didn’t even know they were books. Everyone talks about them and I totally assumed they were lame ass video games…

    I leave my house…I swear…

    Obviously I haven’t been to a book store in a while.

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