Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let me back up here a bit. The secrets, those fantastic, life-altering secrets I teased you all with yesterday? Might only be exciting to me. Maaaaaybe I was hyping them up because I was so excited and I didn’t realize that you’d get so excited right along with me. That’s because I was blinded by my own excitement.
But let me be resoundingly clear, beyond any shadow of a doubt – maybe I should use bold caps lock here to highlight the seriousness of this.
I AM NOT PREGNANT. Full stop.
We got that taken care of surgically.
If I were pregnant, and was keeping it a secret from you, it would have sounded more like this:
“Oh dear GOD. Something HORRIBLE and TRAGIC and not-death-related and AWFUL and HIDEOUS and no one died and GAAAAAH!!!! happened. Life as I know it is now OVER. I can’t tell you what has occurred, but let me assure you IT’S BAD, OH SO BAD.” *
Me. Not pregnant.
I can, however, reveal one of the secrets today. And in revealing this secret, you will see that perhaps I was building the secrets up a little too much. I mean, they’re super awesome to me, and maybe even to AH, and I’m sure you’ll all be happy for me because you’re super supportive, but after I tell you the secrets I can guarantee that you’ll be all “meh.”
Let’s try it out:
Secret #1 – The Netbook arrived yesterday. One of the items of good news that I had received on Wednesday was that it had been shipped. I got home from work yesterday to find the delivery noticed stuck to my front door. I can pick the computer up from the post office today after work. Yay.
Mind you, this was the most minor of the eggs I was waiting to hatch, but for me it’s pretty cool and reason to get excited. And the other eggs are still incubating.
***
* Dear Any Future “Surprise” Babies – Mommy was just kidding. I’ll love you as much as my first two kids. We just sort of took extreme measures, by way of anatomical mutilation, to ensure that you never “surprise” us, so imagine our surprise! Mommy doesn’t deal well with surprises. No offence.
***
Me. Not pregnant.
***
(I won some candy yesterday from Sarah P! She won chocolate from me and now I win from her. WHAT ARE THE ODDS?)
mytornadoalley.wordpress.com 
Everything’s coming up Milhouse!
I’m going to sing that for the remainder of the day.
Loving the “full stop” action, another term that isn’t used enough. Yes, Secret #1, not so earth shattering but hey I’d be pleased to have won one too and would be telling everyone about it.
I’ll try to use it more often.
Kazaam, clown. Tiny computer.
YEEEES! That’s exactly what I’m going to say when I get home tonight, tiny computer in hand. It’s really a very versatile phrase.
Do it when you pick it up.
Boom, postal worker. Package.
Pow, box. Open.
Kazaam, clown. Tiny computer.
I think you and Sarah P planned that. I don’t buy that it happened by accident…..
No Way! I actually had to win it! By answering a skill testing question and everything!
Yahoo – have fun with your new tiny computer!!!
How tiny IS it?
i love your letter to any future surprise babies and am stealing it. i too got ‘fixed’ and could NOT write such a kind note.